When I got up this morning, my new protective purple bubble was all around me and I was feeling great. Yesterday, by the way, was an excellent day. To celebrate, I decided to paint my nails in the colours of the trans flag. I know that there is a separate non-binary flag, but I like this colour combo better, and the white in the middle is for the non-binary.
My best friend thinks my new therapist is a little too far out. She is certainly different than what I am used to—a lot less formal, very into shamanism and spirits and things like that, but I believe that she is a lot closer to what I need than what I used to go to. That said, she has shared about herself, and that is a big no-no for a therapist, so I will have to keep my eyes open!
But one thing she did do is give me permission to go to the beach in a bikini. That was really nice. I don’t really hide anything from her, after all, what would be the point of that? She is fully aware of the broad array of my internal landscape and is ready to take it on. I go all the time to the beach in a bikini, just not a super sexy one. For me, super sexy is tie strings at the side. But I do wear a pretty skimpy one even when I am being conservative.
And you know what? I look good. At least to me. And you know what else? I agree with a lot of women who say that men in Speedos don’t look so great. Some women like it and others don’t. But somehow, and maybe it is the cut, but this kind of bathing suit just looks different, it renders my body differently than a Speedo would, and I like what it looks like and how it makes me feel.
Fitness is a big part of it. I’ve been busting loose to get myself back into trim after wallowing in the perverse emotions of family life.
The other thing I appreciate? That nobody bats an eye. Not people who live in my building who look at my tastefully painted nails, or my little skirt that I wear as I go back and forth, or even at my supine form stretched out on a towel, worshiping the sun. Live and let live. Isn’t that nice!