The joys of friendship and the release of coming out—what it feels like to have the dam break and find only support


I happened to be in a city that I no longer live in and was there somewhat randomly when my sister texted me to ask if I would be there a few days later.  Weird.  What are the chances?

She said, “I’ve got a few hours between flights, would be great to see you.”  I wanted to see her, but also knew I would be out and about in happiness attire.  She did not yet know about me being trans.  I called her.

“That’s great you will be in town.  Totally randomly, so will I.”

“Fantastic,” she enthused.

“I’m getting divorced and I’m transgender.  Well, really that’s why.  She doesn’t want a transgender husband.”  Best to come out quickly.  Like tearing off a band-aid.  

“What?”

Repeat.

“Oh my God,” she said, “I had no idea.”

“Anyway, when you see me, I will be presenting.  Normally I would have just told you when you got here and could see for yourself, but since your kids are going to be with you, wanted to make sure you didn’t mind them seeing me that way.”

“Of course not,” she said.

Anyway, that’s what happened.  And then as soon as it happened, I didn’t feel like keeping a secret with anyone in my family anymore.  You can’t ask children to keep secrets for adults.  What kind of message does that send?  So that weekend I told everyone in my family, immediate and extended…one by one at first, and then on a family blast.  Same thing with my friends.

Gosh, and what loving feedback I received in return.  Curiosity, yes, but mostly love and support.  Two of my closest male friends told me they loved me!  That was a first.

Somehow, it is the hormones which are giving me the courage now.  There is something very real about settling into myself that has been made, is being made, possible because of these magical pills.  And when people tell me ‘no’, you can’t dress like that here, it’s dangerous, or people will judge you, I just want to do it more…because it is me, and I don’t want to be invisible anymore.

The more I do it, the weirder it feels to wear boy clothes—it is like drag.  Quite literally, when I have put on a suit to go to work meetings, the way the clothes hang on me feels all wrong.

And the cherished wife of one of my best friends is a very tall and elegant woman.  She was so supportive, “Oh good,” she said, “I have all these shoes that I’ve been wondering who to give to.  They will fit you perfectly.  Maybe they’re conservative for you?”

“I dress conservatively,” I said.

“Good.”

And then they invited me to visit them for the weekend.  And this turned into a blessed weekend of being with my closest friends, my children, and a real taste of everything as natural, without shame, just joy and normalcy.

A tonic for the soul.

6 thoughts

  1. Wow I’m so happy for you 🤗 what a great responses! I’m so glad the world is loving the real you even more than they did before. I feel like, because you can be yourself and feel more alive and free, you can have way more to offer the world. And it’s all real, which makes it even better! ♥
    Again, I’m very happy for you. Also happy you’re still writing for your blog as I always enjoy your posts. You sure have a good way with words.
    Have a fabulous day dear 🌸

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. Fingers crossed it just keeps going like this. Divorce is a real pain, but I can taste freedom on the other side, and my kids are with me, which is the most important thing. Generally being nice in life has its advantages.

      What you say is true, about being yourself, but it is impossible to know that until you actually do it. I hope you are well and enjoying the summer.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You’re very welcome! I’ll cross fingers, toes and heck, even my dogs paws 🐾 if it would bring you all the best in the world!
        I’m sorry the divorce sucks, but I guess most of them do (mine was bad as well). But I’m glad your kids, family and friends are there for you. It’s so important to have people that believe in you when others try to bring out the worst in you 🤗.

        Yeah it may be easier said than done. But I do believe that by being as honest and true as you can be, it will make sure you receive loads of it in return as well.

        Summers been good so far. Only, had to isolate as at the end of my vacation I finally got bit by the Covid19 bug. But I’ve been symptoms free for almost 24 hours now, so isolation is almost over. 😊 Thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

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