I was recently approached by a Twitter slave asking for advice on life and submission. And not only am I not qualified to help, but look at me. What a mess! Though I must admit it is a rather fun mess.
I told him that if I could answer his question to me, could tell him what to do, I would have solved the problems of the universe. Instead, I asked his permission to muse openly about what he is grappling with and perhaps these thoughts will provide some solace. It’s curious, but I have had a growing number of people DM’ing me for advice. Mostly submissive men. Gents, I welcome the contact. I don’t even know what I am doing myself, but it is nice to have some penpals out there who know what its like to be at the foot of the ladder and loving it.
I have paraphrased his post in places to protect his identity.
Dear GirlieBoy…so where should I start. I’m in my late 50’s. I Grew up in X. We had maidservants while growing up. When I was little, I didn’t know why, but I’d get aroused by my maid. While nothing ever happened, that didn’t stop me from fantasizing about being her slave. She used to live with us and after she’d shower, she would leave her clothes in the bathroom. I’d sneak in and put my face into her soiled clothes. Since then, smell has played a big part in my kinks.The Olfactory Fetishist
I’d often wonder why I was that way. While people enjoy sweet perfume, I’d want this.
I got married when I was 30. I thought that marriage would cure my problem. But that never happened. I kept going deep into the rabbit hole. I could never bring myself to see myself for what I was. We hardly communicated about this at all. Marriage ended, and for ten years I explored my kinks. Then I met another woman to whom I confessed my true leanings. We’ve been in a relationship since. She was very accepting of who I am, and wanted us to explore it together. But it’s like I had two sides. One was the woman I loved. And since this was the dirty part, I explored it with dommes instead of wih her. By and by we stopped having sex. I couldn’t get hard without kinks. I’ve always felt shame while indulging my fetish: not when I do it, but after it’s done. I’ve submerged my needs, only indulging when my partner is not around. Her needs are unmet. There is tremendous love between us, though. Avery strong connection. I really don’t want to do this behind her back, but nor do I want to say anything about it to her.
I am really in a quandary. I don’t want the rest of my life to go on like this.
Dear “Olfactory Fetishist”:
Thank you for sharing your inner turmoil with me, and for giving me the chance to respond publicly. This is an interesting conundrum. I well know what it feels like to develop fantasies about the maidservants, and so know that you are not alone.
Did you know that smell is the most powerful scent in terms of how it stimulates the part of the brain that is associated with memory. I have the same reaction as you to body odour, but with baby powder. The smell is an instant trigger, taking us back to our respective places where sexual memory began.
The Mistress I serve is an olfactory Queen. Before I met her, I had not considered body odour as a passion. But the first time we plaid together I said so, and she promptly buried my face in her armpit, and held me firm. After a while, as I panted in her scent [and she is of the natural revolution], she calmly informed me that all babies love the smell of their mommies. You probably already know that about me if you have poked around my blog, but of course it was the first time I had played with her, and it wasn’t as if we had really even talked about my particular predilections.
And you know what? Now I am addicted to her scent. She has given me a new obsession. Not only that, but she has me eating a spice that she eats to make me smell more like her. That means when I go for a workout and I come home, I smell her all over me. I wear her dominance in my clothes. It is a beautiful way to stay connected.
I guess what I am trying to say is how normal it is to be excited by smell. A dominatrix acquaintance of mine relayed the story of her live-in submissive (she is a lifestyle Domme) and his arousal from the smell of moth balls on woollens. He understood the origin of his fetish in a series of events one winter as he was going out to play, and the predominant smell at that moment was wool fresh from the winter storage.
More importantly, consider how fortunate you are to have a partner whom you love and who loves you. Consider how fortunate it is that she is willing. Consider for a moment that your body and kinky mind is telling you that you want this to be dirty and hidden. It is hard to share those kinds of thoughts. We often feel ridiculous. Or we might be afraid that our partner will shame us. But if she already knows, she has already demonstrated understanding.
With my own wife, she knows that I am kinky and the ways in which I am kinky. She doesn’t like it, and isn’t willing to participate, but she does let me play elsewhere. I would say you are in a better position in that sense.
I don’t want to push you into talking to her, but what I found in my own life in sharing was that a great weight was lifted from me. Therapy helps, and thankfully nowadays there are many therapists out there who are not just kink friendly, but who are also more willing to help you work through things rather than making you figure it all out for yourself.
There is nothing shameful about what you do or like. Being the slave of a maid is like being on the bottom rung, and many submissive men would not want to be anywhere else. Submission is beautiful. It takes a strong man to be submissive. It takes an even stronger one to own up to it. I believe that you are strong, and that you are also probably quite successful. These things go together.
Embrace your kink and recognise the good it has contributed to your life and see if you can’t reframe things in a positive light. I have found that the more open and out I have become, the lighter everything feels, the happier I am, and the less people and things are able to get to me.
Feel free to reach out anytime, and thanks for sharing your journey with me.