The narrative is all wrong…when a woman chooses a man and grooms him sexually, she is filling him with testosterone–it is her choice and consideration which makes him into a man…
We’ve been swallowing a line for years. “The alpha male gets the girls.” The alpha male is alpha because he’s dominant, awash with the dominance-making hormone, testosterone. The cult of man is positively bathing in the glory of testosterone. We fetishize the stuff.
“He’s got a lot of testosterone,” has been said of the chiselled and dominant male who seems to “pull” the girls. Well, it turns out that this is simply not true.
Yes, testosterone is absolutely linked to male sex drive (as is estrogen), but not how we think it is. You don’t get to have sex because you have high testosterone levels. You get to have high testosterone levels because you have sex. Just think about that for a moment. Testosterone, the male sex hormone, is a by-product of sexual activity, not its root cause.
This makes evolutionary sense. If you’re a male out in the bush, and you aren’t getting any, you don’t have anything worth stealing. But if you are a male quite literally “in the bush” then you have something very precious worth fighting for. Quite simply, you are fighting for reproductive privileges. You are fighting to defend your biological imperative, the right to reproduce, the right to bear offspring. And right there is the only true purpose of physical strength—but we lost that need as a species about as long as we organised into societies.
And what does testosterone do? It makes men aggressive. More prone to fight. And just think for a moment of all the posturing that goes into male aggression before fists start flying…they pump up their chests, talk big, and try to intimidate their way out of a fight. Because who wants to fight anyway?
Testosterone also does something else. It helps to build muscle, the body to recover faster, to make you more of a physical specimen. It also triggers the release of sexually laced pheromones, designed to make you attractive to women. Gosh.
That means that you owe your libido and your sex drive to the woman who gives it to you. Who ever knew she was so powerful?
And what of the man who self-plays his way to orgasm? Get a load of this. Self-pleasure does not lead to an increase in testosterone levels. And this straight from Healthline. “No. Masturbation hasn’t been shown to have any long-term or negative effects on testosterone levels.” In fact, frequent masturbation in males has been shown to actually decrease the availability and number of androgen receptors in the brain. Better still? It is oestrogen, even in the male brain, that determines the masculinization of the male.
What does all this mean? For one, if you are having sex as a “male”, then your body will be growing its base of androgen receptors, and the complex interactions between testosterone and oestrogen that turn you into a “desirable” (for both pro-creation and for long-term gene security—both blogged about previously here) male. Desirable, that is, for a female who wishes to procreate with you [which deserves its own post]. And although this is not the narrative we are fed, it also makes complete sense. Imagine, it is thanks to the woman who chose us that we have the testosterone in the first place…the level of testosterone that makes us succeed as men.
It isn’t the other way around. We don’t get to have sex because we are manly; we become manly because we satisfy a woman, we please a woman, we make her happy. That’s what makes a man, the quality of satisfying a woman.
The male that is “having sex” with a female is a “desirable” male—for whatever reason. It follows that this “desirability” is what the gene pool wishes, needs, to propagate. And indeed, as evidenced by this copulation, is exactly what is going on.
And no, it is not some stupid idea of what an “alpha” male is. The ones who get to be true alphas are the ones who were chosen by women, groomed by women, developed by women, selected by women, and were rewarded for their je ne sais quoi, and that is a biological fact. No room for the chest beating, wife beating, self-absorbed fool who thinks that the cart comes before the horse.
There is something deeper at play here. It is ultimately the woman who determines which man is going to have his genes live on…and that is why men are so scared. The idea that your success and preservation is not just what you do for yourself, this maddening doctrine of self-sufficiency and manifest destiny we are fed, but that a man’s success is not just that he is accepted by a woman, but that he and she have chosen each other well, and that their union will be more than 1+1=2…after all, the purpose of the genetic lottery is exactly that.