There is real comfort in ritual. Ritual is an expression of culture. In this sense, it is a collective and shared experience. But culture can also exist on an individual level. And quite curiously, individual culture is no less an expression of advancement than the collective one. You see, ritual comes to symbolize human achievement—we ritualise things because they are worth doing, and their formalisation, makes us better, whether as individuals or as a society.
I wrote not long ago about how ritual, in the form of behavioural norms, is critical to the successful development of a child. [Blog post here]. So too, on a journey of personal development. When you consider it, the parallels to our lives, is not coincidental…when we are first embarking on a journey of development, we are like a babe in arms, without knowledge, totally open, and not yet with the critical paths that prevent us from absorbing the things being taught to us.
As a submissive man, you will surely appreciate that being given ritual by someone dominant to me, and indeed, it is this gift which in part assures both sides of the D/s coin, is fulfilling. So, imagine my struggles over the past weeks as everyone from Mistress to the Reiki Master to multiple therapists have told me that everything I need lies inside me already. That my perennial search outside of me for structure and guidance is unhelpful. Well, that’s no fun…but kidding aside, they’re right.
What’s a girl to do?
The irony of my Reiki Master telling me to not look to others to tell me what to do, just before she herself issued me a number of rules, directives, admonitions, instructions, life habits, and now even potions, is not lost on me, but I love it anyway. From certain people, being told what to do is just what the doctor ordered.
Just as the baby benefits from guardrails, and as a climbing vine needs a trellis or tree on which to lean, the structural support is symbiosis personified. And these instructions are forms of ritual, no different than a collective cultural experience.
This is an aspect about D/s and my life discovering service to Mistress which I love the most. Structure. She is teaching me, little by little, about things like how to behave around her, how to walk, how to talk, how to present myself. It is not heavy, but it is there, and oriented towards respect, “how do you think that a respectful slave would do such and such,” making me think about what the flavour of service might look like in every situation. Mistress said something profound to me recently. “You have done X, Y, and Z in your life (citing specific examples), and these things represent a triumph of ingenuity over circumstance. I want you to take that drive, creativity, and triumph and apply to your service. You show me what you can do.” I paraphrase, and I should be forgiven as the lesson was delivered against a backdrop of delirious sensations…however, the message is clear. “Give me the best of you, expressed for me.” I could not ask for a more deeply motivating request.
I am blessed in that I believe deeply in Mistress’s teachings, in her worldview, in her way of life, not just professionally, but vanillaly (a neologism). That is fortunate, and I believe it is part of what has told Mistress that I am not a flash in the pan but am worth the investment of her time and effort—to teach a sub to respond to your needs takes patience, dedication, and time—for both parties. And we have reached a point where this is beginning to take root.
Ritual is coming in many forms. Currently, I am in love with my reading list. All of the items on it are books suggested to me by Mistress or ones that I have discovered that complement those readings. These are subjects that I wish to learn about, absolutely, and my passion for the topics pre-dated my discovery of Mistress, but they represent new concepts, different thinking, and one which I respond to. I like crawling inside her worldview—and that is not a submissive statement…instead, it is one of absolute conviction—she’s a visionary, and I am a most honoured apostle.
In a similar way, habits and ritual have been introduced. They are not dictated, but they are suggested, and little by little, I figure out how to take them up…and I can see that she is pleased when I do. And I am pleased that I have the time to figure out how it might be possible, and how it fits with my life. I recently removed the babysitting app that has been on my phone…I have blogged about it before [here]. It was essentially an app that shut down my phone, forcing an early bedtime and a very early getting up time. I latched onto this setup with a catfish Domme I played with for 6 months, who was in a different time zone, so this meant that she could literally dominate me all day long. It was intense and rather fun.
I told Mistress that I had decided to delete it, forgetting that she had previously noted that it was a good thing, and she noted that being regular with my schedule is healthy. Here I am forgetting the lessons that I preach regarding childrearing, and here I am being “re-born” with someone’s guidance, and here I am letting go of a piece of important structure. You will not be surprised that it is going back on.
So now, here is the crux of the matter. All of this posse of Guides I have—Mistress, various therapists (Somatic and talk), and my Reiki Master are all guiding me to the same place—these rituals and habits need to come from within or they won’t stick. Our destiny lies in our own hands. “You break your leg, you wear a cast, but when your leg grows strong again, you take the cast off.” In other words, there is a time and a place for all things.
The String of Ponies
There was a tweet that showed up on Mistress’s feed a few months ago where someone was expressing admiration at her practice. Some time ago, I expressed joy at being a part of Mistress’s harem. [Blog post here]. I love that she has such talent as to be recognised by many subs. Faithful, loyal, long-term subs. I like to think of “us” as a box of good eggs. In no small measure, we are reflections of her energy in our service to Her. We all seek to please Her in our own particular way, but the common thread is Her. And while the dynamic is completely different with each sub, we belong in the same egg carton, because we all serve Her. And if the joy which she brings to me is felt even half way by my fellow subs of this beautiful Enchantrix, then I think of us as all very happily tucked away in this egg carton, snug and firm, humming sweet harmony to her as we each await those beautiful moments when she opens the lid and brings one of us out to play…The times in between serve to process and build harmony, so that when each of us is before her, we can more correctly and feelingly sing her praise.
And what is this? It is the by-product of training. It is the outcome of ritual. It is the essence of culture even when lived on a small scale. And I ask you this. How many people in this world create a string of ponies? Those who do most surely furrow the earth…and it is by so doing, that culture is created, is advanced, and we are collectively moving forward as a society. What if one, or even many, of those people is a Dominatrix? What if?