Thanks to a very enlightened person, I heard about biodynamic cranio-sacral therapy as a way to release tension in the body from carried trauma. Okay, I am not going to lie, I have a lot that is tied up inside of me in emotional knots, all of which are gradually being understood.
Understanding them is certainly the first step towards unlocking them, but that on its own is not enough. Said enlightened person, aka Mistress, has had the wisdom to suggest to me that I might explore several pathways. Please don’t understand…she did not tell me to go and do this, I asked. In her wisdom and experience, she shared with me some different ways that I might find to unlock some of the emotional trauma I carry inside.
Who said D/s was kinky? Okay, there is that too. BUT…
After some searching online, I made several calls and spoke to a number of different therapists who practice this type of physical therapy. It is not massage really, but it does involve hands on the body. Essentially, it is about energy and the flow patterns of your cerebral spinal fluid. Sound far out? It is.
What does it do? I can’t say yet. Does it work? I can’t say yet. Did it do anything? Most definitely. I will be going back.
The setup is the same as it would be in a massage studio. A padded bed, only in this case you remain fully clothed. The therapist began with her hands under my head, fingers only just touching me where the spine meats the back of the skull. I was chattering away—I think that this is highly in character, and finally I asked if it was okay to chatter so much, and she said, “sure, no problem, whatever,” and so I kept right on for another 30 seconds or so, and then wham, all the chat just went out of me…she commented then, “yes, you see.” And indeed, I did.
My mind went wild. She was barely moving. Maybe her fingers were twitching. But not much. Thoughts, so random, images, where the thread was hard to make out, were just marching through my mind. Somewhere along the line, I realised that the images that were running through my mind were images of situations in my life where I felt embarrassed or ashamed. It was kind of weird…but as soon as I realised it, the pattern shifted.
Then I began to notice my body. I had gone earlier that day for a stretching and full-body massage, 30 minutes of pain (yes Mistress, I am learning to breathe, and even the masseuse is teaching me—and she liked my colourful toenails!), followed by 60 minutes of bliss, and man oh man was my back a wall of little knots. She worked on them and worked on them, and though I felt better after, none of them really came unstuck. But several hours later, lying on that sacro-cranial bed, one of them just “popped”…I mean it just unclenched. I could feel it…and the weirdest thing? It was a mental process, not a physical one. She wasn’t touching me there…her fingers were still on my spine, just resting there…it was really weird.
The whole “massage” involved this kind of gentle touch in very specific points—in my sternum, right on the spot that Mistress has designated as her entry point—my heart. Also. At the base of my spine, and then my ankles.
It was quite uncanny as I felt my body jerk involuntarily. Whatever this person was doing was producing a reaction in my body.
As I sit here today, I can still feel the vestiges of what she did. For one, I slept so beautifully last night. I’m not going to say like a baby…but, well?! But I was processing also what she told me she felt…she could feel that my chest was resisting, that my back is a solid wall of blockage…she felt my hips open up, and also my legs a bit…so it is my core that is tense…and I could feel it.
What was her recommendation until our next session: go lie on the beach, go soak in the ocean, get as much contact as you can with the earth. I think she’s on to something. I can’t wait to go back.
In the meantime, I said to my S.O., “I went to this really different kind of massage yesterday.” And she said, “uh-oh, not a Thai massage with a happy ending?!” And I told her what it was. She knew all about it, she just never bothered to tell me. She too, however, is intrigued by the journey.