Mistress has me in a state of bliss by delaying service–to be poised to give something that will bring joy to her in its receiving, joy to me in its giving, and knowing that it lies before us, is a pleasure delayed. Obeying her command to delay provides the happy opportunity to contemplate what will come in the future.
Tonight was meant to be our first night all together in our new home. The movers were to have moved the bedrooms first, and tonight we were going to begin the nesting process, the bedding down in our new home.
Th movers didn’t quite finish, and so my bed and bedroom stayed, and instead, I spent the last night of many years of happy nights making silent vigil in our old home. I went to bed early enough, tired from packing and moving, but awoke, uncommonly aroused in the middle of the night. I found myself dreaming of my new room, its symbolism, and how fulfilling it is.
The baby’s room is called thus because the previous tenant, and the landlord, both called it the baby room. Both families had small children, and this was the room next to the Master bedroom, where their youngest child grew from infancy. And so, that is the name of the room.
It makes practical sense too for it to have evolved thus, as it is just across the hall. It is the smallest of all the bedrooms in the house and is perhaps only a third the size of my wife’s room, the Master Bedroom. It has wonderful energy though, and is bathed in light, being the most southern exposed room, being on a corner so having windows on two sides. It also has a bathroom with a tub unlike the other bedrooms.
And that is where I was when I woke up, blissfully anticipating sleeping in my future bedroom. And as I revelled and basted in my thoughts, my phone pinged with the special ping that means Mistress has written to me.
She was giving me instructions on something. And that sent me off in another direction. Obedience. It is so profoundly fulfilling to just obey. I am not wired to displease, so obedience comes naturally to me. Obeying feels good. Being told what to do by Mistress and obeying feels even better.
Her instructions require me to demonstrate uncommon and long-term patience, to fall into a rhythm, and to serve Her in this way, over time, awaiting further instructions. The combination of instruction, denial, patience, and obedience is so utterly and deeply fulfilling it has me swooning with submissive feelings. She is cultivating in me the joy of contemplating how I might be able to look out over years and see my service to Her stretching before me. She has been teaching me to savour things, to revel in the feelings as they happen, but this is a whole new level. To savour before things happen, knowing that they lay before me, that I will be offered the chance to serve her in this particular way, but just drop by drop—the tease, the denial, the electrifying thrill of obedience. Oh, the joy!
The parallels between my new bedroom and the joy of patient obedience are not lost on me. I wait, like a good and patient child, eager to give, savouring denial, drinking from a cup called patience, when I can see in my mind and heart what lies ahead, but knowing that I will only be allowed to give when Mistress tells me I can. Oh, such exquisite torture! It is edging of a totally different kind. It is spiritual edging, and my soul is so utterly and completely aroused by what Mistress is doing to me by controlling me thus. I savour it while contemplating service that stretches out for years.
Wearing a diaper, tight and snug [the symbolism and joy of which is to quite literally tuck away one’s arousal], being tucked into bed under fresh, clean sheets that are tight and snug so that one cannot almost not move, and feeling her tuck the hair behind my ears all tight and snug, putting away my thoughts, is an extraordinary feeling. Everything is surface tension, even in the depths of me. It is electrifying. What’s the symbolism of this moment? It represents the pinnacle in the rapport between parent and child, that moment of greatest closeness, the moment when a child receives love, and feels safest and most cherished. Is it any wonder I come back to this? And I could lay there for hours, metaphorically, physically, spiritually, not moving, just feeling, and patiently waiting, knowing that waiting is obedience, but also knowing that when the instruction comes to act, that will also be obedience. Obedience is bliss. Directed obedience is divine. When this dynamic tension is simply two sides of the same desire, it is possible to dissolve into it. Who would have ever thought that obedience itself becomes a means to both give and receive love simultaneously. It is pure submission.
Mistress is now coursing through me in a myriad of ways. Every interaction with her introduces a new avenue for submission, spiritual boulevards that run through me, a busy metropolis of service-oriented thoughts. To be slave to these feelings, to give them direction and purpose, to listen and to obey when spoken to, this is the essence of a fulfilling life. To serve, to obey, and to surrender oneself ever more to these feelings. Thank you Mistress for teaching me about submission. It is a most divine elixir. Obeying you is sipping from it, savouring it, cherishing it, being nourished by it, and above all, being patient, so that it may last and last, and in so doing, become an eternal truth.