The moment of submission is like love-laced bliss. I am overwhelmed with a rush of goodness, respect, and joy.


What is it for you?

My biggest discovery about D/s with a real person and not just reading about it or watching videos online, or whatever solo exploration existed, is that what I wanted from a fellow human was very different than what I fantasised about.

I know that it is hard to believe that in this day and age that someone could be off of social media, but that was largely true…I had no personal social media accounts up until a year ago, and then finally, all at once, I took the plunge. I was pulled in by a desire to explore the world of D/s. 

Boy, what a treasure trove of kinky stuff the internet is! So, yes, for a little while I was that kid in the candy store, totally turned on by what I was discovering. But at somewhere along the way, I realised I was looking for something very different.  It wasn’t about sex for me, and all of the content online was overtly sexual.  I realised that D/s was existential for me, part of who I am, not what I fantasise about or get turned on by. Yes, there is a sexual part to it, but it is mainly a spiritual endeavour for me.

D/s appears to be very much about fetish-fulfilment, ritual and protocol, formal games played between consenting adults. And perhaps this serves only to entice. My own journey would never have started if this were the entry point. I know, I tried.

While I have encountered so much fun stuff online, the truth is that what I really care about is my growth and evolution as a person. And I have been submissive my whole life, just never really willing to let it out. Being submissive to someone is being true to myself, but that truth for me has to be one that improves me, raises me up, demands of me to do better, be better.

Submission is all about feelings of love.  I submit because I love.  Love and respect for the person who accepts my submission echoes the love I feel for myself, but also the love that springs forth only because submission has found a voice.  

I am curious that there is so little of love described in all of the material on D/s, whether stories, online, or elsewhere.  Why is that?  When we submit in a religious sense it is divine and fulfilling and fills our hearts.  We often call the Woman to whom we submit a “Goddess”.  And of course, this is not literally true, but in another sense it is.  She becomes a medium for the transmission of something that is bigger and more powerful than all of us.  To be confronted by that, to have that right before me, cannot help but trigger overwhelming feelings of submission.   

There is only beauty in that.  So why is the public narrative of D/s so often filled with humiliation and degradation?  I am just asking, not judging.  And that is only because I can only feel submissive towards someone who I can also love, who triggers deep feelings of joy and wonder and inspiration inside of me.  And for love to be successful, there must be respect.  Respect has to be a two-way street.  Degradation and humiliation don’t make happy bedfellows with respect.  I am not ashamed of being a submissive. On the contrary, it is the source of my strength.  There is no shame in love, there is only the desire to love more.

And one Domme once asked me what my goal was, why was I there, what did I hope to gain. My answer? To find a Domme who would take the time and effort to mould me into the kind of submissive she would be proud to own and collar–no preset notions of how this would be accomplished, what we might do together, just the goal to be made in Her image. My promise in return? To always try to follow wherever she leads, no matter what, and to speak up when I can’t. And to try again.

6 thoughts

  1. I LOVED reading this, baby. How submission works for you is so beautiful. But I think the answer to your question….why the D/s narrative is often one of humiliation and degradation…is an obvious one. I think for many, those elements of D/s ARE what is so arousing and appealing. You are really the first person who has ever written about the kind of loving submission that I also identify with. But, I really identify with the other parts of the more popular D/s narrative, as well. Having my Dom do things to me that bring me some shame or make me feel embarrassed…well, that is incredibly erotic to me too. I am glad to see you here, talking about your experience with submission. I imagine there are many others who also feel like you, and wonder why there isn’t more on-line to be read about it. I think you are definitely serving to narrow a gap in the D/s literature, my friend!

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  2. Hi Nora…I understand the erotic appeal of shame, and know that many, many people are drawn to it. I just didn’t find that being ashamed was consistent with my goals for myself. Submission is a thing of spiritual and sexual beauty, a recognition of there being many things greater than ourselves, starting with our feelings for someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. girlieboy69, you’ve expressed in a lovely and effective manner the quality of your experience of submission and how it’s inextricably linked to love. As a dominant, I see the dance of D/s in the same way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and taking the time to reply. Much appreciated. I often wonder how it is different when the submissive is female or male, and when the Top is Male or Female…the base principles should remain the same, but the cultural baggage is so heavy that the distortion that results is real. I often wonder whether so many male submissives enjoy the humiliation narrative so much because of the social baggage that comes with being a male submissive…but I am learning that many female submissives enjoy this part of D/s too.

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      1. I do think the situation is probably similar regardless of the gender of the submissive. It’s such a wide world out there, and I’ve encountered female dominants who seem to have the same nurturing, protective instincts toward their subs that dominants like myself have toward ours. But I agree that the cultural narrative and norms affect all of us, and must somewhat influence relationships.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s wonderful. The pop culture version of D/s is not about this nurturing, caring, and personal growth side. I am very new to the formal experience of D/s, though it has been in my nature from my earliest thinking…and so I was really worried as I started that it would have to be all about some kind of fetish fulfilment or erotic games, and I guess it probably is for lot’s of people…but I am over the moon in having found a Domme who has allowed us to just go off-piste, with no preset agenda, but rather a mutual exploration…and I love where it is going, I love where she is taking me…and I love that I can give to her in ways that are fulfilling to her too.

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