…and my D/s relationship is with someone else…
My S.O. got angry with me the other day. She was miffed that I didn’t compliment her on her outfit when she came to the office and met my colleagues for the first time. She looked nice, and I hadn’t said so.
She also was miffed that I didn’t compliment her on how she made an effort to engage with all of them, making small talk. I “got it” when we got into the car to drive to dinner with friends.
How many arguments in couples start this way? I didn’t argue back. I apologised. Then I complimented her and told her she looked nice.
“It’s too late,” she said. And that got her started again. “How come you never tell me how much you appreciate me?”
“But I do,” I protested.
Then I reminded her of how I had told her just a few days earlier how much I loved her, that I loved her more than ever, that I felt better about our relationship than ever. That I knew more than ever how wonderful she was, and that I looked forward to growing old with her. I had even cried when I told her because I was so overwhelmed with emotion.
She sat quietly for a while.
“I think it all the time,” I told her, “but with my ADD, once I’ve told you, it’s expected to last.”
She laughed. “Oh, don’t think that just because you’ve just admitted that you have ADD that it is a blanket excuse for everything.”
Being submissive does not mean being easy, or being a pushover, both of which are tickets straight out of a relationship. But it sure does make it easier to admit when I am wrong, or not doing enough to support my S.O. It makes it easier to bend not just to the will of the partner, but also to their energy, their goals, their lives. And in truth, what are marriage vows? In sickness and in health? Those vows are about submission. Sublimation of ones own needs and desires to the needs and desires of the other. If you aren’t prepared to do that, then you put your relationship at risk. When you choose a partner, make damn sure that it is a person you won’t ever give up on, because they won’t give up on you.
My S.O. said to me the other day, that I was endlessly challenging and complex, exhausting…but my willingness to get on my knees in front of her, to demonstrate to her, and to anyone who looks or listens that I respect her, love her, and hold her high, cherishing her above my own life, keeps our relationship strong. What do you do?