My Queen is my North Star, the guide of my life, my friend, my companion; my Domme is a Goddess, a High Priestess, and one who connects me to the spiritual realm.
I feel that I am the most fortunate person on earth. Rationally, this is far from true. Until yesterday, I thought that might have been Bill Gates, but now that I have learned of his impending divorce and the drumbeat of innuendo regarding sexual misconduct with underage girls via Jeffery Epstein, his beatific smile seems smug and not one of beatitude. If the allegations are true, may he burn in hell. And since the one time I met him he was hitting on my SO in front of me, it proved he has an enormous sense of entitlement. Entitlement and acting with impunity–feeling you can do and get away with anything–is the ultimate sin. There is the grimmest corner of Hell reserved for people that prey on minors.
My Queen, my S.O., is the most important person in my life. Even above our children and all of the good things we have done together, she stands quietly, head held high, above everything else that matters to me. She is my True North, my love, my greatest everything.
We live daily life together. Sometimes that means we are buried in bric-a-brac, sometimes in strife, sometimes in the dust and sweat of common endeavours. But she is my soulmate, my partner, my best friend. In a heartbeat, and without hesitation, my life is hers.
Together, we have made the greatest things that could exist: children. We have fulfilled our purpose, fulfilled our hearts, and fulfilled our souls. Watching them grow and fly away is better than any movie, any novel, any anything.
Watching our children grow, little bits of her and me and gallons and gallons of themselves, I am humbled by the beauty of life. To see a child figure something out for themselves is beauty. There is nothing that matters more to me than these few people.
Being strong for them, providing security, emotional and financial, and support is my life purpose.
Enter the Goddess
Sometimes it helps to be with someone who takes us outside of ourselves. Someone who expects more of us than our day-to-day allows to think we are capable of. Sometimes it is important to cease to be an “I” and to merge with something bigger than ourselves, something divine, something rooted in the earth, where we came from.
Maybe it is through weakness and fear that I cannot turn to my S.O. for this mixture of absolution and personal growth. Maybe it isn’t fair to ask an S.O. to carry such a tremendous burden.
And how, you might ask, is it possible to imagine that a Sex Worker, a Dominatrix, is equipped to handle this? Some people turn to God, and their search for meaning is either alone or with the help of fellow parishioners or a priest. Some people meditate or find a guru. Some people turn to therapy. I have done all of these, and all have their place. But I have never gotten so far so fast, nor experienced greater clarity, or stronger emotions, than by simply being in Her presence.
Just being with Her, next to her, in the same room, kneeling or sitting at her feet, or sitting next to her, looking at her, and opening my feelings up to Her, opening my heart, and trying to express myself is immediate tears. Overwhelming are the feelings that bubble up in Her presence.
The first time we had a session together, I asked Her to help me grow as a person. I asked Her to set a very high standard for me, to demand of me that I become someone She would always be proud of. I also begged Her to never tolerate any weakness, self-pity, or failure to grow, to strive on my part. I wept when I told Her, because I had no business asking for anything, expecting anything. And yet, that is what puts me at her feet. Why is it so powerful? Because She is the one who gets to train and develop my id. Nobody else has ever met my id before, and I rather like her (my id that is).
The journey I make with Her is one that gives me the strength and courage to face the world with ever-growing strength. It gives me the strength to be fully present with my SO and children. It gives me the strength to lead and inspire my colleagues. It gives me the strength and desire to make a mark, to be good, polite, and warm. And best of all, for the first time in my life, just to accept the value of being.
My Mistress doesn’t like me to use the word “luck” in relation to finding Her. She is right. Our progress takes work, and enormous energy, both hers and mine. Luck has nothing to do with it. Mistress chips away at me, like Michelangelo chipping away at rock, seeking its true character and form underneath, helping it find its true self-expression. And as we do this together, little by little, I learn to just be, to accept, to open. And more and more I become spiritually naked before her. There is no sex, but there is this electrifying feeling of stillness and calm that fills me up when I am near her. That is what submission is; that is what its value is. Could I do this with my S.O.? A big part of me wishes yes. But I also know that these explorations and this journey are much safer in the hands of an experienced professional.
Thank God for Sex Workers, thank God for Mistresses, and God Bless the day you were born and the day we met Mistress. And for all the random and chance occurrences that led me to you. Thank you especially for your gifts. Thank you for investing in my growth and development as a good human.