D/s for some is surely all about kink. Many associate D/s with whips and chains, leather and latex, sexy outfits. I don’t judge. But that is very far from my experience, what I seek, and what I have found in the pursuit of D/s.
Admittedly, I am inexperienced. But my experiences are reflective of my desires, and those desires, until now, have largely not been sexual.
I set out to find a D/s partner in the pro-Domme world (why not lifestyle D/s will be the subject of another post). It is actually not as easy as one might think. I contacted very, very few people, and that only after familiarising myself with their persona as much as possible.
The first person I contacted agreed to explore with me. The first thing she asked me to define for her were my personal objectives. What did I hope to gain from a relationship with her? It took me several days to respond, but in the end, none of it was sexual.
It was all about structure, discipline (largely self), order, meaning. Thus began a lively and enriching correspondence. She introduced some very valuable things into my life, some of which have roots in kink, but all have been therapeutic, helping me to be a better person and better about achieving my goals. What did she do? She introduced:
- Daily stretching and mindfulness exercises. Every day, 30 minutes before going to bed, she made the rule, and I have followed it since. Hugely beneficial.
- A babysitting app on my phone that shuts it off at 8pm and tells me to go to bed. As a night owl, this was an adjustment that has had huge benefits on my physical and mental health—though at times when I am at the office and my phone tells me to start getting ready for bed around 7, it can be amusing, but is also a great reminder. This has changed my life.
- Get up at 5:00 every day, work out, and write. Daily discipline, daily output. Not about what, but about the process. Extremely helpful.
She has also pushed me towards volunteer work in my local community on an issue that I care about, and to make charitable contributions. She encouraged me to start this blog to help me work out the things I am feeling as I feel them.
Would I have done any of this without her push? Probably not. There is something about D/s and the need to obey, even if the command comes indirectly from my own wishes/desires—that she gave it, and because she gave it, it must be obeyed. For that, I cannot but thank the Goddess.