Every day we see a woman pregnant woman walking, perhaps in quiet contemplation, or just going about life. We see a woman pushing a pram or holding her child’s hand. Quietly shepherding, protecting, teaching, and loving. These moments are of great beauty and are the most fundamental building blocks of human relationships and society.
As we go through life, grow up, have children of our own, these first bonds never change. A child never stops being a child to its parents. My own mother once told me that having a child was like having an open wound. I grimaced at the thought, but on the dawn of the birth of my first child, I found her to be right. I pay attention to my children with that sense of raw emotion always right there.
Love flows both directions. Only the child’s love and need is different, and of course changes over time. Its most durable aspect, however, is the need for approval. To know as a child that what you did is good, that mommy approves, is vital to our development as good humans. Nobody ever approves of what you did like a mother does.
My own relationship with my mother was at times fraught, in part because that approval came so infrequently. I got it elsewhere, from female siblings and friends, from female lovers, teachers, and from my partner. What I give in return is vulnerability, an open heart, honesty, and love. Somehow that has made me everyone’s rock—the person friends and family turn to when their own lives fall apart, or when they need help.
When I see a mother with her young child in quiet contemplation, I see her aura providing protective cover and warmth for her child. I was born with broken wings, for me that is what it means to be non-binary. When I look at women and see so many of them soar like angels, I know I can’t fly with them, but I wish to bear them up, and to see them reach great heights. The one thing I want to be I will never be, a mommy.
I don’t know if my wings will ever mend and grow. The closest I can come is to see a woman develop and use hers and to watch and be happy when she does. That’s why I surround myself with women all the time, because I can’t live without them.