Conversations with a Domme: What is my goal?


Recently I began corresponding with an aspiring young Dominatrix.  I had come across her on one of the social platforms, and was intrigued by her humanity.  She had posted a picture of herself with her dog, and I could see in her eyes her qualities as a human.  I reacted to and commented on some of her posts over a period of time, and her responses were pleasant and very natural.

You can often know a person for how they relate to their pets.  And I am not referring to puppy play!

I told her how much I cherished that she reflected the warmth in the dog’s gaze…and that was a very positive thing for an attachment-prone sub.

She was exploring content creation on OF and was having great success.  I wasn’t comfortable with that because OF has intimate, sometimes explicit content, and as a dysphoric sub the potential for cognitive dissonance from female objectification on OF makes me feel ashamed.  I know that many women must love putting their content on OF and similar platforms, but many must also do it because that is what the market demands.

I am not judging.  It just doesn’t feel right to me to be there.  So even though her “Dommy” instructions were to go on OF and subscribe and to write to her there, which I did, I wrote to her and asked her if it would be all right if I could get to know her on a different platform because seeing her posts, while beautiful, made me uncomfortable. That I didn’t want to see her that way–that pictures meant nothing–it was the person behind the pictures that I was attracted to.

She graciously agreed, and we began a lively correspondence.  We had similar goals—she to grow as a Domme, and me to grow as a sub.  I asked if we could take time to get to know each other, to see if the chemistry was there, and she also wanted to see if I would earn the right to be her sub.

The first thing she wanted to know from me was what my objectives were—what did I hope to achieve through submission to her.  She asked me to think about it for a week, and to write her a clear letter/essay on the subject.

It was refreshing.  No other Domme had ever asked me the same.  It was great for me to think about it, deep down, what I was after.  What did I tell her?

My goal in life is to be a better human.  To be generous, loving, caring, and supportive.  To fill the people around me with energy and good feelings, and to make a positive difference in the world.  D/s for me is the key enabler in that dynamic, and writing is one of the most important ways it expresses itself.

I told her that as an /s without a D/, I am incomplete.  There is an essential structure and comfort that comes from the presence of a D/ that helps me to go further, try harder, work more, push myself, but also to be just effective and productive. And that is how our roles have evolved. She has injected structure and discipline into my daily life, introducing some absolutes, and they have been very helpful.

Where is the sex?  There isn’t any.  Don’t get me wrong.  It is intensely arousing to engage with a Domme, but the arousal is more spiritual than sexual, even if both are there.

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